Sunday, April 3, 2011

Cold, heartless... and nice.

You know what's horrible? A lot of people are horrible.
Mostly the people that pretend to care but don't, not really. Those are horrible.
Because they want everyone to have this fantastic opinion of them. Because I don't know, it's so important to them. What everyone else thinks of them. Oh, yeah. They care. They care about their image.
I've been called selfish and a bitch and insensitive and egoistical so many times. Why? Just because I'm honest. because I'm plain, in-your-face honest. Because they can't handle that. They can't handle the blatant truth right there.
But I'm just doing everyone a favor.
Who are they helping?
If you're nice to someone and tell them you care about them just because you want them to be happy, technically it does make you selfish and heartless. So you are the selfish one. Not me. I'm not selfish because I tell you I hate you. You're selfish because you tell me you don't.
Do you want to know why? Because when someone tells you they love you, this part of you believes you. And that part of you relaxes and lets your guard down and open up to that particular person. But the thing is, it isn't true. They tell you they love you, but they don't. The word "love" is used to free and loosely. "I love you."
No, you don't. You don't even know me, but you're telling me you love me. You're telling me I'm your friend.
Am I? Am I, really?
Let me give you a situation.
Here I am. I'm vulnerable and I'm scared. I'm about to do something that will drastically alter my life. Would you drop everything, get up and come to me? Would you hold me while I cry? Would you cry with me?
No, you wouldn't.
See. You're lying. You don't love me. I shouldn't expect you to.
You're selfish. You say you love me because you want me to love you back. Because the more people that love you, the more people will talk about you, the more people will know about you, the more will love you. The more likable you will become. The more sought-after you will become.

See, that's selfish.

But me? I'm not selfish. I tell you. i tell you exactly how I feel. I don't care who you are. If you're someone I love to the point of bursting, I will tell you. If I hate you, hate you so much I can't even look at you without being filled with disgust, I wil tell you. And if I tell you I hate you, that actually saves you a lot of heartbreak. because If I hate you, and something happens to you, and you expect me to help and I don't, it doesn't matter. Because you shouldn't expect me to. Because, well, I never told you I'd be there for you. So you should be grateful I never promised. I spared you pain.

When I love someone. I really love them. People tell me that that's my problem. That I get too attached to someone. That I 'love' them too much.
Isn't that the damn point?
I love intensely. I love intensely and fully and completely.

If I tell you I love you, I really do love you. Inside me, there is something that remembers you.
I don't tell a lot of people I love them.

I love passionately, and with just enough hate to keep me going.

The next time you want to call me selfish, remember. I probably don't love you, or even care about you. So you won't affect me. Because you tell me you love me. But then you say, Kim, you're selfish. Kim, you're mean.
Kim, why are you like that? Kim, why can't you just like people? Kim, why can't you just be nice for once? God, Kim, you're such a bitch sometimes. But don't worry, I still love you. Don't worry, I'm here for you. Dont worry, I feel your pain! Don't worry. Don't worry.
Don't worry. I love you.

You're just like everyone else.

Cold, heartless... and nice.


  1. this is like one of the best posts EVER!!!!
    i dont care if im not in your 9 love people because im not going to be selfish
    I love u!!
    u r like incredible!! and i will NEVER EVER forget u!!!

  2. Lea. you idiot. of course you're in there. you're either no. 5 or 6. (because u and alexia r there and i cant love one of u more) ill tell you who else is there tomorrow....ur bf is there :)
    and ill never, ever, ever forget you lea.

  3. :) yayieee!!!
    okie... u never told me!